Tag Archives: transformation

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What if…?

What if the world operated in the way we teach our children?

Since my wife and I have become parents to our daughter, I have often asked myself this question, and as I was paging through my book for the first time in a few years recently, stopping at random pages, reading little bits here and there, I also came across the part where the bird talks exactly about this. How we teach our children to be honest and authentic, to be kind, not to lie, not to hit, not to hurt other people’s feeling, to apologize when we do.

We tell them that everyone is unique and should be treated with kindness and respect. We tell them that they are safe. I have not met a parent who does not have love overflowing while watching their children play with others in this way, knowing that they are seen for who they are, and that the other children are treated the same. No parent would ever wish harm upon their own or anyone else’s child, no matter who that parent is or where they are from. It is innate. The love we feel for our children is innate and beyond the limitations of this world.

The love that children express, exude, in fact are, is transcendent and that is why they will extend it to anyone freely. Everyone is always invited to the love fest that life is to them. They don’t think in categories of worthiness, they do not see difference, they are truly present to what is and their fresh egos are simply there to do their job, to store experiences and to aid in navigating this material world.

I wish everyday that my daughter and all other children would be able to stay in that experience, that state of unbridled curiosity and being. A place where kindness rules, where love and encouragement are the main attraction and sharing experiences is the main activity.

But now that she is getting ready to go to Kindergarten in the fall, I see how different things will become, how more of the ‘real world’ will begin to creep into her consciousness. How the older kids’ ego identification is setting her up to walk a similar path, and a part of me is deeply saddened by this, because I keep asking myself the ‘what if…?’

What if we as adults behaved more childlike? What if we were more authentic? What if we didn’t spread around our own judgments about everything, peddling them as ‘being honest,’ when we all deep down know that it is simply our judgment, and that it will add nothing to the world and hurt someone else’s feelings? What if we honestly tried our best to see the light in the person next to us? What if we sought out to connect with others, share a kind moment with them every single day, every single moment, to the best of our ability? What if we let ourselves be happy for others and let them know? What if we spread kindness and love to everyone we meet through a laugh, a kind word, a compliment, an encouragement? What if we sought to help others to become their best self? What if we stopped comparadging all the time? What if we allowed the world around us to be filled with love? What if we stopped taking life and other people so personally? What if we looked at life and everything in it as the miracle it truly is? What if we spoke up when we witness an injustice, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem? What if we assumed the best about each other?

What if we were all more childlike and aimed to create a world that reflected that, a world in which the love, joy and freedom we all remember from our own childhood was not limited to the first few years of our lives? What if we had a world in which all children get to have a childhood like this to begin with? To paraphrase L.R. Knost: Maybe it shouldn’t be our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world – our job should be to make the world less cruel and heartless.

What if we never had to utter the words: ‘Welcome to the real world.’

I am acting on my ‘what ifs’ as much as I can every day. I invite you to think of your own ‘what ifs,’ act on them, and see what happens in your life as a result.

Cheers,

Ralf

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Possibility

Anything can happen. Anything is possible. Always and in all ways.

Like most people I live my life in patterns and habitual ways most of the time, and that is certainly useful in many ways, especially when it comes to functioning effectively in a complex world. But limiting our life to this alone and letting our thoughts run in the repetitive patterns also closes us to the magic of the above, to the fact that every moment is a possibility and anything can indeed happen. It just hardly ever feels that way when we let our mind habits run the show and control every aspect of our lives.

When we live that way, predictability is the key and makes us comfortable, and usually it is a dramatic event of some kind that shows us that anything can happen and is possible at any time. We fall in love unexpectedly, we win something ‘out of the blue,’ we have an accident, someone close to us dies. All of these events have the effect of jarring us back into the moment and into the realm of the unknown, which is where possibility resides. Our minds are brought to a halt and many people who experience a dramatic event will report afterwards that they didn’t know what to think, that they were incapable of holding a thought, that their minds were reeling. This is literally what happens, our minds are reeling because they have no preset pattern to fall into, no habitual response at the ready for the situation in which we find ourselves. People say that they felt in a daze of sorts and often cannot remember much about the moment they heard the news. Why is that?

They were busy experiencing it. Remember a moment in your life when something completely unexpected and dramatic happened, positive or negative, and you will probably have a hard time recalling exactly what was going on with you at the moment. Our habitual small mind or ego id is taking a break because it does not know how to process the new information and our big mind swoops in and instantly thrusts us into the actual experience in that moment. The full force of the present hits us. This may last for seconds, minutes, hours or days, all depending on the individual and the situation, but it happens to all of us. It’s the present moment saying hello and reminding us that while we are busy making plans, living in our patterns, life is happening and unfolding all around us in limitless ways. We choose whether we pay attention to this or not, whether we are listening or not.

All it requires on our part is to become uninterested in our own thinking and the same old stories and patterns within which we make ourselves exist. I still catch myself all day, I notice my seemingly random thinking and that it has, in fact, a very familiar tone and pattern. That it keeps telling me the same thing about life, my life, all the time, and thus making me hide from the unknown that life is, making possibilities impossible or at the very least unlikely. Constantly barraging me with thoughts of limitation, reasons why something won’t work, cannot happen and is simply not in the realm of possibility. But when we notice it, we can also consider the possibility that there is more to life than the patterns we live in. So much more, in fact, that we cannot begin to truly comprehend or understand it.

This is a much more fun place to live. We don’t have to contemplate the meaning of life here, though that is fun as well, but I am saying that what we think is possible is so infinitesimally small that it would behoove us to consider more. Think of how many people are on the planet having thoughts at any moment, how many molecules are moving about, how many processes are at work both physical and metaphysical – it is limitless, no number could be put on this. And in our deluded ego id states we think we have it all figured out… Sounds pretty funny, doesn’t it? All the great thinkers, explorers and inventors in human history have had one thing in common – they refused to be limited by what the common thought patterns at the time deemed possible. They saw beyond the limitations and knew that realm of possibility, often before they had thoughts, concepts or words to describe it. They were present and thus open to that which had in fact been pre-sent from the space of infinity. They just tuned in and paid attention.

Play with that idea. See what happens, see if your mind is tickled, your concepts start to to feel less solid, your opinions and thoughts about the world and yourself lose their solidity. What if in fact we have no clue, simply because it is impossible for us to understand that anything is possible and anything can happen. And that, as a matter of fact, this is going on all the time. What then?

Cheers,

Ralf

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The Light

I have had a couple of rough weeks by my standards. It started a little while ago when I was sitting in the bathtub (great place for reflection, right?!), when I realized out-of-the-blue that I had to let go. Not sure of what, not sure how, but that it was time to let go in a big way – once again. I have been through a life changing experience a few years back that was a tough one to say the least, and my life did change in a big way as a result of this experience. After seeing my own manipulative and controlling ways that had been my entire life, they began to untangle and eventually fade away, and a new way to be with myself and the world settled in. And I am beginning to see how that is the challenge, the settling in part.

I certainly am not the same person I was for all those years before and know that I am different, but another kind of mental routine has set up shop in me, and that is now catching up with me. First I began to feel ‘stuck’ and uncomfortable in my life, nothing to pin down, nothing in particular, but it was there, in the background, like a shadow, haunting me. A newborn and general life kept me busy and distracted enough to ignore it, until that night in the bathtub. So, I had to let go, but what on earth that meant I had no clue.

Then I began to feel depressed, I got sick and very tired, which intensified those feelings and last week one evening I was home alone with the other love of my life, my daughter, and something strange happened. She was sitting in my lap, eating her dinner, I was smelling her hair and contentedly looking out the window at the trees when I was broadsided by the deepest feeling of sadness I have ever felt in my life; it was as though the entirety of humanity’s dread, torture, pain and suffering was coming at me and through me all at once. I almost lost it, the sheer magnitude of feeling this feeling was almost too much. I barely could hold it together, I did not want the little one to freak out. I felt so distraught and disillusioned about the state of humanity and the level of pain we are experiencing with each other, and with ourselves. I couldn’t believe that we live on this beautiful planet, and the best we can come up with is the current state of affairs. I don’t know why stuff like that happens to me, maybe I am mental, I know for sure that I am making it up in some way, but why on earth do I?

After that night I got worse, save for my wife and daughter I lost my joy, all I began to envision was to remove myself from the world as much as possible and stay away from it, that crazy place full of crazy people, who in the best of circumstances hate each other for different political views, and at worst behave like they do in the IS in the name of a religion. Not a pretty picture. I had lost my faith in humanity and did not want to be part of it anymore. It sucked.

Today is different. A phone call with a dear friend and a video changed it.

The phone call was with a friend who is very dear and close to my heart, and who is much better than me at getting his ideas around similar themes as the ones on my blog out into the world. For the past sixteen years he has been tirelessly and with utter resolve bringing his version of peace into the world. And it is bearing fruit. He has had an HBR article published, was on the radio this week, and will be doing a TED talk soon. I was so happy for him, because he is one of the most kindhearted and smartest people I know. He then asked me how I had been, and I told him the above. He went silent for a moment, told me he understood. Then he tells me that he wakes up almost everyday with a similar feeling about the state of things and knows that he is going to get up and do what he can to help change it. He will not quit. Ever. Trust me, I know the guy. I definitely felt better after hanging up.

Then I saw this video and was blown away by it, because I realized it was showing me the light. I am talking about the light that is in every thing in form on this planet, but is particularly strong and maybe even condensed in human beings. It is the light of being, the light of existence, the light that is on in us, the light that shines through so clearly when people are kind to others without any expectation of return, when a child laughs and looks at you with love, when a dying husband or wife looks in their partner’s eyes with more than just their eyes, when you meet someone and for some reason they are so familiar to you, the light we see when we watch videos about acts of kindness, the light we see in each other when we see beyond the physical, the light that shows us that underneath we are all from the same place. And eventually return to it. The light that erases differences, hatred, judgment, arrogance, and the ability to do harm to another. For every moment we are in its presence, we leave our ego behind and become beings, we are no longer human-have-been’s or human-will-be’s, we are human.

This is waking me up. I don’t know what that means yet, but I do know that I forgot to see or at least look for the light, because it is in everybody at all times, sometimes it’s harder to find than others, but it is there without fail. For a while after my experience I saw it all around and in almost everyone, but I got lost in something else, and so the light was lost too, first around me, and finally I couldn’t see it in myself anymore either. Wow. As I just wrote that, this became clear. So it is time to get up and get going, time to become a light(er) again. First with me, and then, who knows… I still don’t have a clue what I have to let go of, but I will and it will be fine, and I will participate again in my own little way, and if because of my participation one other person will see the light as well, in them and others, that will be enough.

Go look for the light. It is there. It shows itself in the oddest and most unexpected places. And when we see it, we know it, we recognize it, and we feel it, and it feels good. I challenge you to find some light today, and tomorrow and the day after. It will make the world brighter.

Cheers,

Ralf

 

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Beyond busyness

There is busyness and then there is busyness. The first is the level of thought activity that has become accepted as normal in our culture, the second steps it up a notch and looks a bit much even to ‘normal’ people.

I have a few people like this in my life, do you as well? They are so busy that I can be around them only for short periods of time. It is that intense. They can barely sit still and have a hard time focusing on anything, or on the person in front of them. Not only are they incredibly busy in their thinking, they also have to pay attention to every single thought. It is as though they live in a constant state of heightened alertness and can never shut it down. Every thought is interesting, every idea has to be considered, every notion looked at. It never stops. I look at them and wonder how it is possible for someone to do this, and to be unable to stop it. One thing that has occurred to me is that they are addicted. Completely and utterly addicted to their thinking. This is a very hard way to live. Much like a physical addiction, we crave the object of our addiction all the time and in increasing doses and levels. Only that in this case there is no object to the addiction. It is untouchable, immaterial, comes and goes and yet makes us possible: Thought.

In and of itself thought is a wonderful tool that gives us the ability to function and create. Without thought, we would not exist. It’s a wonderful ‘thing.’ For someone who lives beyond busyness however, thought runs amok and takes up the entirety of their existence in a way that makes it impossible to be present. For people who are addicted to their thinking in this way, the present is hidden. They cannot see it or experience it, because they are in their thinking all the time, or rather are their thinking. And thoughts are always time bound, about the past, present or the future. They have lost the ability to be the thinker and have fully become the thought. This really limits their abilities and possibilities. All they are is whichever thought they have, and since there is one thought after the other in constant succession, they cannot see that they have a choice about the thoughts they have, because they aren’t having them, they are them. When I am something, I will do whatever necessary to defend it, for by defending it, I am defending me. I am my thoughts, so I will defend them and go to great lengths to do so. To the point of harming my own body. People like that will develop physical symptoms sooner or later, or they will end up in physically dangerous situations due to their lack of presence. And unless they are interested and willing, they will never change this.

It would not be so hard. As always it has to start with a choice. To entertain the possibility that we are not our thoughts, but the thinkers. That they don’t show up on their own, but have to be thought by us. We do the thinking. Not someone else. They are not put in our minds by anyone but us. A thought addicted person considering this is akin to an alcoholic admitting that he has a problem, it’s the first step. This will open the door to more choice. When we are completely our thoughts (or completely ego identified), there isn’t much choice. Thoughts simply come all the time, unstoppable. The moment we consider that we are the thinker, choice reenters the picture. Just that bit of awareness will change our perspective. We see that thought is happening, rather than being it. This opens the door to stop. To simply choose not to have a particular thought. To see it, acknowledge it and send it on its merry way. Once we start this and stick with it, our perspective on our thoughts gets clearer and eventually our minds quiet down and less thoughts show up.

Then we enter into a world where we are the thinker. We realize that we have thoughts and thus get to choose them. We are no longer victim to them and develop a natural kind of quality control which makes sure that our thinking is serving us rather than the other way around. Thought becomes our vehicle to create our experience at every moment, whatever we choose that to be. Thoughts that feel too busy or intense are of no interest to us anymore and thus they move on quickly and show up less and less. Our lives go through a tremendous shift. To the fully addicted this sounds at best practically impossible and at worst like a nightmare. The nightmare being that we end up having no thoughts to speak of and turning into empty, thoughtless vessels. Far from the truth. We are able to have the thoughts that fit the moment, no more and no less. It is far more efficient than any busy mind could ever be.

If you find yourself to be beyond busyness, and managed to read this post to the end, I invite you to consider the possibility that your thoughts are simply that, and that you are the thinker. Play with that idea and see what happens. You may just end up choosing something else entirely. Or not …

Cheers,

Ralf

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Choice

Choice is a beautiful thing. It’s also a real toughie, because if you believe that it exists, your life is your choice, and if you believe that you don’t have a choice, then someone else is choosing for you. In either case, not easy.

I choose to believe that we have choice. About everything, every moment of our lives. No exceptions. As a matter of fact, this really showed up for me in the book towards the end during an exchange between the bird and the protagonist, where they discuss that everything is made up:

“”…I can make up anything I want about anything then.”

“Absolutely.”

“So I am made up as well?”

“Continuously. As long as you choose to.””

It’s such a short little line with incredible implications. This basically says that we choose to make up ourselves, or in other words, we choose to exist. Now, I have heard something of this nature before, but never in that context. Think about this, we choose to exist. As long as we choose to exist, we continue to have this human experience. When we choose not to, it’s done. What happens after, well, who knows. The point is that by and through our choice, we exist every moment of our lives. If and when I choose to end my life, it ends in its current form. Now, this is where an interesting conundrum arises, because this concept makes sense when we actively choose to end our life: we can jump off a building, drown ourselves, take pills, shoot ourselves, set ourselves on fire, drive off a cliff, jump into a volcano, in short there are a lot of ways that we could do this. It makes sense that this is our choice. But what happens to that choice when we die of natural causes or through a tragic accident or event? Is that still our choice or is this the point where we say that someone or something else is choosing that for us? We like to believe that, because who would ever choose an untimely or horrible death, right? But this is where we have to make a very fundamental decision about our take on choice. If I believe that I can choose my existence to end, than this is how it is, no matter how that choice shows up or plays itself out.

I either choose me or not. If I do, than this happens all the time, under all circumstances, always, and in all ways. The kinds and number of choices available to us depend on two things – whether we believe we have a choice and our awareness of it. In the past few years this has become increasingly visible to me. I have been experiencing my own life as a result of my choices more and more. It begins with the mood I find myself in, moves through the circumstance I am part of at any moment, and ends with my place in the universe. It’s my choice. I choose every thought I have at any moment in my life, and when I am aware of this, I choose and thus create a kind of thinking that is clearer rather than confusing, that produces calm rather than agitation, and puts me in charge of the experience I am having. This is very empowering and also freeing. The choice is mine. All the time. To believe this changes our lives.

How far does this choice thing go then? As far as I can tell, all the way, and I am not sure what this means exactly, but I can feel it. This goes as far as believing that even if I was murdered today, that this was my choice. That I chose to find myself in that circumstance, to act the way I did, and to end up getting killed. I truly believe this at this point, and with this I also believe that we choose our lives at different levels of awareness, some of which are not visible to us in our current state of humanness, but are nonetheless ‘there’ and real. I believe that we are spiritual beings having a human experience, and that we may only be aware of different aspects of this at any time. Including the choices we make at different levels about this human life we are having. By choosing to believe this, the horrors we create, the trespasses we commit against each other, look different. When we dare to believe that we are the creators of our experience at different levels, obvious and hidden, at all times, then the possibility comes into view that we also choose all the horrible things mentioned. We choose this outside of our human view, but we still choose this, and we choose from a place where the duality of good and evil, pleasure and pain, right and wrong, have no meaning. Because limitless, all inclusive beingness is all there is ‘there.’

Told you this was a toughie. It still is for me, and I could be completely wrong, of course. All I know is that choosing to believe in choice this way has made my life more spacious, peaceful and fun. I choose my life at any moment, and am grateful for that. How about you? As always, I invite you to play with this in your life. Will you or won’t you? What’s your choice?

Cheers,

Ralf

 

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Waking up

In order to get out of ego identification, we have to wake up first. The kind of waking up that happens is very unique to this circumstance.

To initially wake up to my ego identification required a jolt of some kind, at some point. What it reminds me of is the feeling you can have when you take a nap and end up falling so deeply asleep that it is a serious struggle to get yourself to wake up again. You are aware of the fact that you are sleeping, and at the same time have to pull yourself out of sleep. If that has ever happened to you, you know what I am talking about. That’s almost the way it felt when I first really woke up. I had a jolt, which caused me to see my ego, and my full blown identification with it, all at once. Then I realized that I really wanted to wake up from this, but that ended up being incredibly hard at first. It took some baby steps. It reminds me now of learning a martial art, at first you learn very basic moves to teach balance, movement and flow. You repeat this to no end. And it seems as though you are not making progress or learning anything. Then you graduate to more complicated moves until you become a master at it. At this point you realize that the most basic moves are still there in everything you do, they actually make your mastery possible.

When I woke up to my ego identification, I had to start with the basic moves. I had to trust my awareness of the ego in me. I had to quite literally tell my ego thinking ‘I see you,’ and that I was no longer interested in it. Sometimes I did this out loud. Then I had to choose to stay away from all the sticky ego thinking, but without choosing anything else. This created space for something new. This whole process felt very tedious to begin with, it felt as though ego was everywhere and there was no way to get away from it, and it didn’t feel as though I was making much progress. Then something in the balance of what was on my mind shifted. It was the tipping point. The ego sourced identification began to recede, it had less power and when it showed up, I found it truly uninteresting. I didn’t have to do anything with it. From that point forward, everything changed.

Once on that track, the awakening simply continues. The awareness of having an ego rather than being one sinks in, it becomes the new experience of myself. This does not mean that I don’t occasionally fall asleep or take a nap and fall into some ego identification – to say that does not happen is a big fat lie. The most important thing here is that I notice it usually very quickly, and when I do, I automatically use my basic waking up moves I learned way back, to come to. Much like the martial artist, the foundational moves have become part of me and I can use them in my sleep.

I guess what I wanted to share is that the awakening does have an initial jolt to get us to wake up, but after that it’s a lot of practice at first, which eventually leads to a different state of awareness that enables us to stay awake more, and wake up more quickly if we happen to nap out. In all of this, the biggest change for me has been in the quality of my life and relationships, and realizing that being is always here, no matter what I do or believe. I feel as though my life is not about anything in particular anymore, and it doesn’t have to be, it is enough to just be here and do whatever occurs to me out of that feeling. No fear, no expectation, just choice and its expression.

The next time you see yourself operating from your ego, and you don’t like how it feels, consider that this means you are waking up at least a bit at that moment, and then see if you can drag yourself out of your slumber and to the surface. You may just realize that you have been trapped in a nightmare and are about to step into a world of your creation.

Cheers,

Ralf

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More honesty…

After writing the last post on honesty and authenticity, more came to mind about it, specifically my own learning around this. To actually be honest with oneself is a toughie to say the least.

When I began to catch on to my incessant ego machine, I was shocked and horrified with how deep the rabbit hole of this was. It was mind boggling, and frankly I had my doubts that I was ever going to be able to get away from this monster that had taken over my life. It felt like a tumor that had spread into every nook and cranny of my existence. How can one get rid off something like that? Die? That was one option I considered, because I was not going to continue to live like this, no matter how. Then I discovered that honesty with myself was going to get me headed in the right direction. I thought that would be easy and ‘do the trick.’ Well, let me tell you, I found out that real honesty with one’s own bs is not for the weak…

The hard part was to realize that I could not believe anything I was telling myself anymore. Nothing. It was a mental tabula rasa if you will. During that time it was almost unbearable to look at the constant shitstorm of my own psyche, everything I was thinking was a lie, a lie based on a lie nonetheless. Everything I was thinking about me or anything in my world was based on the lie of my complete ego identification. Based on this lie, I then told myself that I had to make sure to look good, get my share and generally try to make out ok. This became the basis of my existence, which meant that I would lie to myself and everyone else to varying degrees about pretty much anything that would serve my purpose. That is what I had to face and be honest about.

In the ensuing weeks and months I got to practice being honest about my own thinking. Was I asking someone a question out of curiosity or actually running some kind of agenda? When being nice to someone, was I trying to gain something from them, and thus really for me? Whenever I would make deals with myself, wasn’t I simply avoiding some deeper fear I was running from? When talking to my family, friends or loved ones, was I not trying to manipulate them in even the smallest of ways for my agenda? When meeting new people, was I only talking to them because I would ultimately gain something from it? You can tell that this was quite encompassing and exhausting. In the beginning of being honest with oneself, it can be very discouraging to see what we do to ourselves on a daily basis. The lies we employ to manipulate ourselves and everyone else are truly stunning when seen in the light of awareness. But it gets better and it is worth it.

Now I find myself in a place of a much quieter mind that is not focused on me, myself and I as much, though I certainly can have my moments. Honesty about those moments, owning them and at the same time not holding on to them makes it much easier to be. Plus, when this kind of honesty becomes a habit, there is not much room left for the bs we like to produce, and if we do, it is honestly very uninteresting. I am no longer interested enough in the lies my ego tries to whisper in my mental ear in an attempt to take over and make my life miserable again. Because that is exactly where it will lead, and I have been there and done that.

So honesty of the helpful kind, the kind that is not of the ego, really challenges us to stay the course of authenticity with ourselves and thus the world around us. It is not for the weak, it takes rigor and discipline in the beginning, only to get easier with practice and eventually becoming part of who we are: someone who is no longer interested in the dishonesty and lies of an ego identified life.

The next time you catch yourself in one of those sneaky little and oh-so-comfortable lies, stop and take a look at what you’re doing. And then choose whether you would like to see what happens if you didn’t believe yourself.

Cheers,

Ralf

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Standing next to yourself

Have you ever experienced this, where you are in a situation, you react to it and almost at the same time you hear yourself think or talk and then wonder what is the matter with you? I certainly have. It’s an interesting and odd feeling when it happens, almost as if you were talking to someone else. But aren’t we?

In my mind this is exactly what is happening in those moments. We are literally seeing ourselves in action, we notice what we are thinking, and doing or saying as a result and we literally wonder what is wrong with us. But we never stop to see this moment as impactful as it actually is. We are actually watching our ego in action. We are being the observer. And what do we usually do with it? We laugh it off or turn into a funny story to tell others. Every single one of those times is a missed opportunity to see something beyond the usual story of who we tell ourselves we are.

Rather than thinking of it as standing next to yourself, think of it as being next to yourself. Because we have to be in a moment of awareness or being in order to see ourselves operate like that. That’s a beautiful thing. We get to be aware of the part in us that is doing the reacting, the story telling, in other words: the ego. The one who is aware, is the being. This is good news to me, because I used to believe for years that all this being stuff was for the evolved, the enlightened and real devoted spiritual people, and that unless I completely changed my life circumstances I would never get to be. Not the case.

Being is what we are all the time, whether we believe it or not. There is nothing we can do to change that. Whether we are aware of this makes all the difference, and that is also all that it takes.

To be aware.

Awareness is powerful, it changes our perspective on whatever we focus it on. It gives us a chance to step outside of the routine of our story and ego identified ways and see them. Seeing ourselves operate like that gives us a choice at that moment to walk away from our own story and let it pass, and instead stay in the awareness. When we choose that, we are instantly in a state of being. It really is as simple as that. But as simple as it is, it is also as powerful. It’s also very hard to do when we are completely committed to our story and think that this is who we are, because this story needs perpetuation in order to keep us from realizing the one thing that this story of ours is designed to hide from us: that we are not permanent. And that scares the hell out of our egos.

But it is really simple. Seeing ourselves operate and going further with that awareness is all it takes to break the cycle of ego identification and instead be. The good news is that this is not a one shot deal – we get to choose this every moment of our lives, again and again. And when we do choose awareness instead of the ole story, our lives are transformed instantly. And then we look for it more and more, because it feels so natural and wonderful. And eventually we lose all these important ideas of who we think we are, and what we think our lives have to be about. It becomes uninteresting and instead we are filled with this sense of momentness (just made up that word).

Next time you are watching yourself do something, stop for a moment and realize what is happening. You are being aware of yourself, plain and simple. Question is, what will you choose at that moment?

Cheers,

Ralf

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Fear

Fear is a sneaky little bastard.

What has amazed me over the past couple of years is that it shows up in ways and places that I would have never thought of as fear. I remember reading about the idea that there are only two emotions we as human beings can feel, love or fear. I liked that. It made sense. One was the ‘good’ feeling, the other the ‘bad’ feeling, but both were part of the deal and of essential nature. This whole notion has changed for me, because these two emotions only exist in the realm of ego. Let me explain.

In the writing of my book, I was often confused and left in disbelief with what came out. One of these was the idea that love and fear as we talk about them are actually an illusion which only exists in a world of duality. Within the realm of ego, duality is necessary, because without it, there would be no ‘me’ to experience. Beyond that duality, there only is love. A love basically beyond human understanding, but not experience. That love is the real deal, it’s the space where all exists, before, in, and after time that is. Not that I understand that, but I can feel it.

Love and fear as opposites makes perfect sense, but the love in this case is actually fear in sheep’s clothing. We think of fear as this emotion that is frightening, upsetting, or in some way negative. Since love feels the opposite of this, it certainly does not feel connected to fear. But it is. This love is always attached to some thing, be it a person, idea or circumstance, it does not matter what the focus of my love is, it is attached to it. When this attachment is lost or no longer available, the love is lost as well. Deep down we know this, which is why we will often go to absurd lengths to keep around that to which our love is attached. And we are thus constantly afraid of losing it. What if my partner won’t love me anymore? What if I can’t do/have my favorite thing in the world anymore? That is some scary shit.

This is also why fear is so sneaky. It shows up in both of these ways, and when it comes dressed up as love, it really fools us. This is a very limited way to experience life to say the least. It never lets up, because if we are in fear, we try to get away from it as much as we can, or try to face and overcome it, and when we feel that attached love, we’ve got to make sure that we keep it around.

The other love is not attached to anything. It is simply a deep feeling that arises in us regardless of our life situation. It is utterly reassuring and puts us at instant ease. With it we are thrust into the present moment, and in the present there is nothing to fear, because fear needs the past and future to exist. With the real thing, we are (in) love, period. That is fearless, because there is nothing to lose, nothing to hold on to. It is freedom.

So here’s to catching on to that pesky and sneaky fear in our lives.

Cheers,

Ralf

 

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First one

This will be interesting. Not only did I never intend to write my book, Flying Leap, I most certainly never expected to start a blog based on it. As the book is at least partially a result of a personal transformation which happened under the oddest of circumstances in the most unexpected manner, I guess this is the natural result. As the years passed since that initial experience, I continue to change and see myself and the world in new and different ways on a daily, actually a moment to moment basis. I often make observations about all things life, and my wife has assured me that others would enjoy, if not benefit from these observations.

All of this is based on my experience of seeing myself operate one day. It was mind blowing and boggling. I saw myself plot and manipulate, control and assess, and generally make me feel like the most sickening and self-absorbed human being I had ever been in the presence of. I had no idea who this ‘other’ was, that was experiencing ‘me’ in such a visceral way. This happened out of the blue and practically paralyzed me. I did not want to speak or express myself in any way, because all that was coming out of me, or rather was in me wanting to get out, was so nauseating and disgusting, it was unbelievable. I had stumbled onto my ego.

For lack of a better word, I was a complete mess for the next three weeks and had a hard time functioning. On the one hand I thought I was nuts, and on the other hand I knew that something I had wanted all my life was indeed now happening to me. I just didn’t expect it to be like that. Over the next three years, I learned and began to understand what had occurred. I had discovered how my ego, or the collected memories of my life, had become me. Once that had become clear, I realized that there was a whole other way to live: instead of being my ego I could live with it. Big difference, let me tell you.

I reckon that everything I will post on this blog from time to time will be about this difference of living with oneself, and how it affects not only how you live your life, but who you are and thus show up. It is actually all quite simple, but also so all encompassing that words ultimately fail in describing any of it in any meaningful manner. It has to be experienced. I hope to inspire this in some people through my book and this blog.

So here we are. Let’s see if I can get this thing going and, most of all, make it interesting enough and keep it up.

Cheers,

Ralf