Monthly Archives: March 2013

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Crazytown

Have you heard of this place before? We probably have all gone there at some point. It’s that place where all the craziness makes sense to the people who are there, and they will support each other by confirming and justifying their different crazy stories. It’s a happening place.

Have you ever gone, or had a friend or relative that went to Crazytown? You could tell when they were on their way there, you could see that this was the direction they were going, you may have even pointed it out to them on the mental road map, but they just kept going. Depending on what they were going there for, it can be frustrating and scary to watch them disappear into town. We have all been there, and made it back out, sometimes we stayed for a while, sometimes we only had a short visit, sometimes we only drove by the outskirts, sometimes we drove past it, and sometimes it doesn’t even show up on our maps…

In order to have Crazytown on our maps, we must have ego identification going on, and the story that comes with it. Our story. The story we believe to be, because ego and the story are one and the same. The nature of the ego and its story is, of course, perpetuation. It’s compounding, and that part is the road to Crazytown. Let me explain.

Let’s say that we have hit a rough patch in our story, lost our job, went through a breakup, or feel totally and utterly unappreciated by everyone in our life, or anything else that may put us in a state, if you will. Not a nice place to be. At that moment we have a choice to make: Am I going to believe this story and go with it, or am I going to become aware of of my ego id and the story, and choose to disengage from it? One puts us in the state where Crazytown is, the other takes us in the opposite direction.

If I go with the former, things are going to get worse, it’s part of the deal. I will justify my ill feelings, confirm them with others, and do whatever it takes to make it real. Now, once I am so full into my story, I will do what I can to feel better, no matter what that is, or what it looks like. I will try to change the circumstances that have caused my drama, I will assign blame to the person(s) that are at fault (sometimes that can be us, also called the ‘poor/bad me’ story line), and I will not stop until the pressure of my bad feelings releases. This can take a few minutes, days, weeks, months or years. Time is of no consequence here, it is all about the level of identification I have with that story that my ego sells me as ‘me.’ You have arrived in Crazytown. We hope you enjoy your stay.

The latter decision above changes the dynamic drastically. I realize that the car is my story and that I am the driver. This ‘I’ is the one who also built the factory that makes the car, is the designer, the worker that puts it together, the one who builds the roads the car drives on, and on and on. The second we remember this fact, we are back in the driver’s seat and regain full control. That’s usually the moment when we want to pull over and catch our breath. It’s the pause that allows us to see what is. As in we see that we are not the story, and bam!, we are thrust back into the moment. And with that moment comes instant perspective. The perspective that gives us an opportunity to take another look at the situation we find ourselves in, and thus an opportunity to choose a different route. Away from Crazytown.

The beauty is that it does not matter how long we have been hanging out in Crazytown, how much we have liked or hated it, when the moment of pause happens and we choose to stop driving around, we can head out of town immediately. We can also work our way out of town slowly but surely, we can do whatever we choose at any moment. It is all about waking up to the fact that we are headed to or in Crazytown, and then making a choice about that. Sometimes someone else says something that triggers our awareness, sometimes it’s a hug, a firm but loving reminder, and sometimes we just have enough of it, it does not matter what triggers our moment of waking up to our own drama – what matters is that this can happen at any moment and we get to see it or not. Our choice.

So the next time you find yourself heading towards Crazytown, make sure you’re prepared for the trip. Bring lots of guilt cookies, indignant huffs and puffs, lots of blaming supplies and self-pity. Or pull over, stop the car, get out and take a deep breath. Take in the beautiful surroundings, called life, and have a picnic. As Crazytown will surely fade away at the horizon, plot a new course and see where it takes you.

Cheers,

Ralf

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Waking up

In order to get out of ego identification, we have to wake up first. The kind of waking up that happens is very unique to this circumstance.

To initially wake up to my ego identification required a jolt of some kind, at some point. What it reminds me of is the feeling you can have when you take a nap and end up falling so deeply asleep that it is a serious struggle to get yourself to wake up again. You are aware of the fact that you are sleeping, and at the same time have to pull yourself out of sleep. If that has ever happened to you, you know what I am talking about. That’s almost the way it felt when I first really woke up. I had a jolt, which caused me to see my ego, and my full blown identification with it, all at once. Then I realized that I really wanted to wake up from this, but that ended up being incredibly hard at first. It took some baby steps. It reminds me now of learning a martial art, at first you learn very basic moves to teach balance, movement and flow. You repeat this to no end. And it seems as though you are not making progress or learning anything. Then you graduate to more complicated moves until you become a master at it. At this point you realize that the most basic moves are still there in everything you do, they actually make your mastery possible.

When I woke up to my ego identification, I had to start with the basic moves. I had to trust my awareness of the ego in me. I had to quite literally tell my ego thinking ‘I see you,’ and that I was no longer interested in it. Sometimes I did this out loud. Then I had to choose to stay away from all the sticky ego thinking, but without choosing anything else. This created space for something new. This whole process felt very tedious to begin with, it felt as though ego was everywhere and there was no way to get away from it, and it didn’t feel as though I was making much progress. Then something in the balance of what was on my mind shifted. It was the tipping point. The ego sourced identification began to recede, it had less power and when it showed up, I found it truly uninteresting. I didn’t have to do anything with it. From that point forward, everything changed.

Once on that track, the awakening simply continues. The awareness of having an ego rather than being one sinks in, it becomes the new experience of myself. This does not mean that I don’t occasionally fall asleep or take a nap and fall into some ego identification – to say that does not happen is a big fat lie. The most important thing here is that I notice it usually very quickly, and when I do, I automatically use my basic waking up moves I learned way back, to come to. Much like the martial artist, the foundational moves have become part of me and I can use them in my sleep.

I guess what I wanted to share is that the awakening does have an initial jolt to get us to wake up, but after that it’s a lot of practice at first, which eventually leads to a different state of awareness that enables us to stay awake more, and wake up more quickly if we happen to nap out. In all of this, the biggest change for me has been in the quality of my life and relationships, and realizing that being is always here, no matter what I do or believe. I feel as though my life is not about anything in particular anymore, and it doesn’t have to be, it is enough to just be here and do whatever occurs to me out of that feeling. No fear, no expectation, just choice and its expression.

The next time you see yourself operating from your ego, and you don’t like how it feels, consider that this means you are waking up at least a bit at that moment, and then see if you can drag yourself out of your slumber and to the surface. You may just realize that you have been trapped in a nightmare and are about to step into a world of your creation.

Cheers,

Ralf

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Need

Need sucks. Literally. And we are the suckers.

Need is the ego’s super food. It is also its most essential food, and has the nutritional value of a sucker. But since suckers can be so sweet and tasty, it is hard to resist them. Living in ego identification requires a lot of energy, both psychologically and physically. The more we think, the more our brain is working, and the brain uses a lot of energy. Add to that the psychological energy of thinking and we end up with a very exhausting combination. And it never ends, it is incessant. It knows no bounds, it never stops. Need is like a psychological virus. And I know that people have trouble with the idea of need being a ‘bad’ thing. Aren’t there the ‘basic needs’ that have to be met for all of us? Doesn’t everyone need food, water, or even basic human dignity? That belief around need makes it very difficult for us to even entertain the possibility that it might be a choice.

I am not saying that need is ‘bad,’ I am saying that it is never ending and very limiting. I am also saying that we actually don’t need anything. When this first showed up for me, I had a lot of trouble with that idea, but then I decided to consider it. This has made a huge difference in my daily life. We really do not need anything. Even the idea that we need food or water is inaccurate – our body does not need food. It uses it to function and be alive, and when it stops receiving the sustenance for its survival, it stops functioning. It has no feeling about this, the cells in our bodies simply reproduce and do what they do, and they stop when they cannot go on. They don’t feel any need around it.

Now, if you’re with me so far, the next leap will make sense to you: we choose to need. In fact, everything we are and experience at any time in our lives is a choice. So it is with need. I can choose to say that I need to be loved, that I need to make more money, that I need someone to do something specific for me in order for me to feel good about them, I can choose to need specific things, people or circumstances in my life in order to feel good. It is our choice. Period.

When we are in full ego id mode, however, choice tends to disappear from our view and we often become victims to circumstance as well as our need. Since living as my ego is all about me, me, me, so is need. An ego identified life is based in need. The basic need to exist. It’s all or nothing, and thus the ego has a limitless need to prove its own existence and make it more real. Once we are committed to that charade of life, need takes over. Sometimes need even comes along dressed up as a selfless idea. I need to give to people. But it is about me. My needs have to be met. Then I might meet someone else’s as well. Need comes with a constant give and take, first within ourselves and then with the world around us. It starts out as a harmless want, quickly turns into a need, and eventually ends up as greed. These are all varying degrees of the same thing. It is a veritable mental food chain.

Check it out for yourself. Notice the next time you feel the need for something. It doesn’t matter whether it is about something you need physically or psychologically. Whether it’s something you need to own or be. Whether it is ‘I need a new car, house, job, partner, etc.’ or ‘I need to be valued, recognized, tell someone off, take a stand, etc.’ The next time a need comes along, see how it feels. Feel the urgency rising in you, however slight. Notice that it feels very important and wants to be taken very seriously. If you notice it, you will also realize at that moment that you may choose not to be interested in it. You can choose to let it be and not follow through on it and see what happens.

You have nothing to lose except the constant and uncomfortable urgency that comes with need. You have nothing to lose but the limitation that need puts on you and the options before you. Step out of your need and into your preferred choice at the moment, and watch new options show up out of nowhere. It’s quite amazing.

Cheers,

Ralf