We do this, as a matter of fact we do it so much, we hardly notice it. This new word describes the ego’s way of constantly running a comparison between the ‘me’ it claims to be and someone or something else. And to judge the result of this comparison.

This is a nasty little habit that we form early on in our lives, when we are taught the very helpful habit of differentiating between things. It is not until a few weeks into our human form that we actually begin to realize that we are in fact a being separate from our environment, that we are not part of everything that surrounds us. Think about that for a moment – we don’t see ourselves as separate from the world, we are (in) it. Watch a baby that is only a few days or weeks old and you will see very quickly that they have no idea that the hands and feet attached to them are theirs. This has to be discovered. Once this awareness of our own body as separate from everything else emerges, the idea of differentiation enters.

This is obviously a natural and important process. Without it, we couldn’t lead a human life. So differentiation is a good thing, but when we take it to the level of ego id, it goes sideways. Then we start the comparison game. It begins with small things like ‘the other kid is bigger/smaller than me, has more/less toys than me,’ then grows into ‘he/she is smarter/dumber or prettier/uglier or more popular/less popular than me.’ Eventually we end up with at worst ‘I am less than others, and there is nothing I can do about that’ or at best ‘I am better than others and have to keep it that way.’ And this creates more separation between us than we realize. It doesn’t matter if it’s positive or negative, it simply separates us.

It still shocks me how much I do this unconsciously and when I do notice, how harsh it feels. The resulting judgment is always absolute and quite condemning. My ego is either better or worse than, and there is no arguing this. And once we have arrived at this absolute conclusion, we operate from it. The result is either arrogance or humiliation in some form. So I am then stuck with either continuing to do what I have been doing, so that I may continue to be ‘better than,’ or fighting to change the ‘less than’ to a ‘better than.’ At worst I resign to the fact that I am ‘less than,’ and there is nothing I can do about it.

Operating from a comparadging state of mind is very exhausting and always results in limited options in our lives. This is the ego id way of life. This is what keeps us from making choices that may move our lives into a different space, keeps us from even considering that anything different may be possible. And when we are in ego id, the very idea that we could achieve something that someone else has achieved, seems absurd. ‘There is no way I could own a business, get a degree, get that job, have a mate, love or success in my life’ we say to ourselves after the results of our comparadging are in. So we don’t even try.

Every ‘successful’ person in the world will tell you that one day they simply started acting on their idea or inspiration, that the thought of comparing themselves to others was of no interest or consequence to them. They stepped out of comparadging into inspiration. Once they made that choice, possibilities presented themselves, people and circumstances began to show up seemingly out of the blue, propelling them forward. Things began to unfold and work out. And the people who reached their success through happiness never play the comparadging game. It doesn’t occur to them. They are simply following their inspiration and are happy to have others come along for the ride. Differentiation and appreciation of differences is their life blood. They are inspired by differences and diversity and as a result include others.

Inspiration is the inoculation to comparadging and lets us appreciate differences. We have all met people in our lives that we comparadged ourselves to and thought of them as ‘less than’ us. Then for some reason we got to know them, forming a friendship and appreciating how different they are from us. They ended up teaching and showing us things we would otherwise not have experienced. They enriched our lives as we did theirs. These encounters and friendships inspire us. That is the power of seeing and appreciating differentiation. That is where love lives.

As always I invite you to play with this. Pay attention to those thoughts throughout the day, when you hear your inner judge comparadging. When you see it, notice how it feels, and see how you experience the object of your comparadging and yourself. Then challenge yourself to turn it onto its head and instead of comparadging, appreciate the difference. You may end up feeling very different…

Cheers,

Ralf